Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Hearts Guardian

There is a creature of malice burried deep within my chest clinging to my heart and day by day it's claws pierce further and further denining my life...there is a truth that must be said...must be Yelled to the skys...Crys of a mad woman full of hate and hurt from the wrongs of longer will it be be confinded, no longer will others cruel doings be excused and blamed upon that of the acceptance of an abused spouse...hiding from fear that others will see or judge...the creatures wings spreading, as the air is collected to vomit the disease of hypocritcy, stupidity, and far worse your desire to be pittied. You Know not who you are OR What you've done. Which is sadder yet! Keep smoking the vision dust, keep screaming your falsehoods. The creature will rejoice in your demise. Till that day my heart has it's chosen gaurdian...


I've got a critter that comes out at night to visit with me...mind you there just a brief visits...sneaky lil first it was fun..then Annoying..THEN IT became HOSTILE...i dramatized giving the thing soda, then wait for the explosion. Damn it, why,  the mom turned on and remembered, i'd have to clean it up, and my luck it'd explodes on me while i long last sweet, victory at the defeat, the capture of the enemy...then the twitch of a whisker, and scurry of a tail, here comes the reinforcement.


is green with envy...and sadly that brings the Hulk out..."Hulk Smash, I'm pissed and this shits" guess it's better than angry black woman that says things later regrettable...yet ppl say i'm the best, luckily their not in my head seeing how many pieces their in, luckily i have a filter and go with the flow...why does my dumb-ass choose to be nice when i just end up kicking myself in the ass...yes this is the age old question. Why can't i be honest and tell it like it is, we're not doing either of us a favor. Here's the secret, here in my bosom because?

The Critter

There's something beseeching my undivided attention, demanding for completion. It's there in a dark, dark house. Within the house is a dark, dark room. In this dark, dark room three boys like to play, but there in the distance is a dark, dark corner. Secluded in the corner is dark, dark critter that consumes all that lays eyes upon it's existence. Bending the mind to do it's bidding, "Let me grow, need more for the sacrificing"..."You CAN NOT ignore me, for i'm forever here, You CAN NOT live without me". Creeping through IT there's a small gleam of possibility, of hope "Finish, Finish, you must' your destiny .........RAWR!!!

Dark Closet

cornered and alone in a corroded closet, the consent struggle to find the handle to freedom, the many pressing objects blocking the path and the tremendous burden piling down from reality sets in you put yourself'll never get out without a fatal price, even then you'll never escape the seclusion, the stench of past delusions, the selflessness of caring for all but yourself...lose that last gleam of hope that someone else cares...mostly the big WHAT IF!!!

A Simple Thank You

a special thank you i received...i tend to give a lot of my knitted and crotched projects away. This past year has been breeding season for family and my growing skills. Out of the generosity of my own marshmallow heart I've made blankets...something of myself for family i may never meat...made pillows for my wonderful mom  and mother-in-law... i've made hats and scarves, something of myself made for loved ones to bundle up in the cold...thank you for being in my life, allowing me to share apart of myself with those i love most...thank you is the most precious reward. it warms my heart tremendously, knowing my work and myself are deeply appreciate and accepted.


Two sticks click..... click...... click in silence click..... click in chaotic madness.
It's intoxicating knowing I'm in control.
The colors reveal hidden secrets. 
Stitches give way to new breakthroughs, accomplishments, each  telling stories that will never be spoken aloud.
Stories of love, pain,  abandonment, hope and desire.
Above all else click..... click..... click never ending friendship, and unconditional love.
These sticks are encouragement of freedom.
They have the power to create endless works of art and new beginnings


a lot on my mind...clinging to memories that does no one any good, least of all me, here's to another day alone with the nightstalkers, the vamps, the monsters for here I have a home... Close to the ripper, blood and all it's glory, and the high of others pain, the paint gets me through, the masks keep me separate, and alone...split persoanilty...I call her Piawacket...the dark half that pulls me through safely

Why i'm me

someone recently asked me ...______ why do you wear your makeup and hair in such extreme fashions, why not be like everyone? first thought what and be like everyone else another android marching to the same drum of death marching to Medusa's cold, hard, stare of death...shit why not go out in the bitch she ain't all that and i've come to take her place...Second ppl just can't pull off what i do, they don't have the confidence...the i just don't give a damn attitude...nor the fun of making ppl stare in awe that some just know what they are doing...or the best i just don't wanna be fucked with and i'm letting you know ahead of time so don't waste my nor your time with mess...third there are alternatives to beauty weather dark and deadly or fake double dd, over-bleached, tracks, painted on none character flaws the make us unique and special. so after lots of thought and really having a loo of a day i ask you why fit in, why be like everyone else, nothing to tell you apart, nothing for ppl to remember you by. Besides this is me and it'll never change approve or move...

Beauty Is in The Eye of The Beholder

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
What is Beauty,
How Is it defined?
For if you check the dictionary,
Nothings mentioned of tall, long-legged-models, growing ever blonder.
Not a single ideal stated of board straight-hair instead of the naughty,
Consisting of waves, or curls, or thick untamed, having the attitude of a fiend.
In today’s life beauty is paid for and not acquired naturally. 
Taking away from the true beauty given to thee.
All created different yet the same,
All in the almighty Gods Image,
Or is that not what throughout the world teachers and priests, strive to teach.
So who’s to say if anyone is of extreme, drop dead gorgeous beauty, when all catches someone else’s breathe.
You would think that through all these years of constant changing of the time,
We’d realize, we must all go through the everlasting, ever changing, entrapment of the maze.
Were many get lost along the way.
And are easy to give in with an utter screech.
To another thoughts and ideals of beauty.
For you’ll never find that true mate until you accept that beauty is truly within the eye of the beholder.
Everyone has their own needs and ideal of satisfaction of beauty.

The Voices From Within

The Voices From Within
(The Damage has Been Done)

Silent everlasting eyes watch from all corners of complete darkness beam on my small, tender frame. Eavesdropping ears in pen- dropping silence listen intently for a breath of air or a hesitant heartbeat. Trembling cold, in ghastly fears, waiting for the judgment to pass, waiting for acceptance or another quenched dream of denial.
Through unspoken, anger and hysterical voices beleague me.
The voices probe through my mind, digging deep, deeper, into layers of the past, as I face waves of agony, with pained wails, I erupt.
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A Sea of Dreams

A Sea Of Dreams

I wake in a sea of sheets,
Sweating like I’ve ran a marathon,
Choking on silenced screams still feeling invading hands imprinted and tracing my body.
As my eyes adjust to the darkness my mind agonizes over remembrances not soon forgotten.

I wake in a sea of sheets,
Eyes dilated beyond normalcy due to my inner turmoil’s,
My limbs weighing a ton.
The dead always finding entree into my dreams, 
Speaking of unaccomplished or forgotten deeds which I find quite oddly.

Here Then Gone

Here Then Gone

With the blink of an eye, I‘m beautiful, confident, lustful, wanting and craving alls attention.
With the blink of an eye I’m a dangerous outspoken warrior stalking her prey.
With the blink of an eye I’m a wounded cub without love snapping, bearing fangs, shutting all behind ramparts.
Each time my eyes close new emotions and memories bombard my frame of mind.
It’s often quite humorous to watch as the many emotions that come bubbling up from the pits of hell.
Leaves others speechless and awaiting the horrors yet to come,
But mostly It’s quite shameful for I’ve no control, everyone else able to pull my levers, press buttons, that are out of reach to the one demanding control over their own sanity.
I pray to the heavens, I bargain with hell yet to no glory do I hold.
With the blink of an eye those long past roamers are free, for seeking guidance from those left behind.